We’re nearing the most heated part of the debate. Within the last week of congressional races, Coca-Cola and Ford will have no room during commercial breaks to “sell soap.” That time will be reserved for the mudslinging candidates pushing for that last bit of voter turnout on November 7th. Democrats will attempt to keep the electorate’s focus on Iraq, Foley, and Bush, while Republicans will point to national security and taxes.

So, what if, after all the hard work, mudslinging, and tax-talk, Republicans loose the house they’ve held since 1994? With these three easy steps (taking a cue from the Democrats moves in 2000 and 2004), the Republican Party has a chance of not only winning the top spot in 2008, but reclaiming their seats lost in 2006.

Claim It Was Stolen

Right off the bat, claim that every seat was somehow stolen by Democrats (even the ones lost by far-trailers Rick Santorum and Bruce Bradley). Stand on the floor of the House claiming that the Vast Left-Wing Conspiracy disenfranchised rich white voters who were sure to turn up, but were told via anonymous email that the election day had been changed to November 8th for citizens with an income higher than $80,000 per year (because rich people always vote Republican).

For this to work, a spokesperson from the far right will be needed to pump out a movie about the infamous 2006 stolen election. Michelle Malkin should be that demagogue. The movie should contain many misleading facts which place sole blame for the Democrats’ theft. Following the movie, the accepted notion of thought should be: “Democrats are notorious for stealing elections! Just look at 1960 and 2006!” As well, the RNC should play clips of Democrats prior to the election claiming, “I have no doubt in my mind we’re going to win” and “In November, the House will turn” as absolute proof that the Left was planning on election-rigging, not just having hope till the bitter end.

Cry Foul

The post-November 2000 battle cry was that Republicans has disenfranchised voters nationwide. In 2004, President Bush was attacked for Osama bin Laden airing a video days before the election. Following this November’s loss, Republicans should whine about every small tactic used by their opposition. “Democrats refused to address the topic of national security/the economy and harped only on Foley and Iraq. It wasn’t fair to the [insert minority] voters!”

Like the Left always does (though it’s somewhat confusing that they are morally conservative when an election is around the corner), Republicans should whine that the ads played were very mean and not in line with the Democrats’ continued persistence that they are the party of morals. On second thought, maybe that wouldn’t work out that well.

Blame Democrats

September 11th has been linked to President Bush because it happened on his watch, though he was in office for only eight months, following a president with a weak foreign policy who was in charge for eight years. If, and Allah forbid, another terrorist attack happens after the Democrats take House control in January, blame should be placed solely on them. “The Democrats in office failed to protect the Americans they claim to represent!” “They failed to catch the killers!”

If the economy takes a dive not as a result of a terrorist attack, full blame should be placed on Democrats. They hopped into power for the first time in more than a decade and their socialist leanings created economic instability responsible for a crash or poor economic confidence among citizens.

These three steps, in reality, may not win back the House or maintain control of the White House in 2008, but it sure would be amusing to see someone other than Democrats play these childish games.